what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
