don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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