two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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