i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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