god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
