Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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