I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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