pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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