tell your sister to shave her snatch
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
