I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
