During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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