I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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