Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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