We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
