I got chris browned last night
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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