Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
