It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
