is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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