hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
