Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.