Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.

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  (760): Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later. http://tfl.nu/1m2z
  Replies (19) Good night (3035) Bad night (873)
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  (925): View more from California

  First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.

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  (925): First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so. http://tfl.nu/lvgi
  Replies (91) Good night (879) Bad night (9942)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

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  (301): I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you. http://tfl.nu/0isu
  Replies (25) Good night (1067) Bad night (2848)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.

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  (630): week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl. http://tfl.nu/1sz9
  Replies (37) Good night (4726) Bad night (860)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."

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  (715): In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy." http://tfl.nu/mr96
  Replies (13) Good night (1480) Bad night (4258)
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  (650): View more from California

  she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.

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  (650): she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out. http://tfl.nu/w208
  Replies (17) Good night (1558) Bad night (9152)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

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  (289): You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person. http://tfl.nu/dofi
  Replies (14) Good night (3363) Bad night (836)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.

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  (508): he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him. http://tfl.nu/d83n
  Replies (4) Good night (1942) Bad night (967)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher

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  (508): Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher http://tfl.nu/j0wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1704) Bad night (506)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.

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  (765): According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top. http://tfl.nu/djvr
  Replies (3) Good night (2492) Bad night (646)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's like 10 times better than an Oscar

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  (256): I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award. (256): It's like 10 times better than an Oscar http://tfl.nu/pcc6
  Replies (7) Good night (696) Bad night (364)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.

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  (601): If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass. http://tfl.nu/tjid
  Replies (6) Good night (621) Bad night (537)
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  (805): View more from California

  Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come

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  (805): Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come http://tfl.nu/u9o4
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (643)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry

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  (469): I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry http://tfl.nu/w76m
  Replies (2) Good night (495) Bad night (285)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?

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  (519): Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right? http://tfl.nu/50mu
  Replies (6) Good night (617) Bad night (246)

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