"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions