just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
nutella sex= disaster
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.