I think about you every night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You dont lie about slip and slides
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy