Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.

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  (518): He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/ya5v
  Replies (2) Good night (2167) Bad night (607)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.

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  (610): dude, she masturbates with a ken doll. http://tfl.nu/7x56
  Replies (66) Good night (1366) Bad night (7462)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.

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  (618): This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape. http://tfl.nu/eyxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1667) Bad night (4675)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me

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  (612): Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me http://tfl.nu/r7ma
  Replies (17) Good night (991) Bad night (2041)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?

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  (405): Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird? http://tfl.nu/uuel
  Replies (10) Good night (2411) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now

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  (816): I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now http://tfl.nu/qqu5
  Replies (16) Good night (2381) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status

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  (908): As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status http://tfl.nu/7e09
  Replies (6) Good night (1756) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.

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  (585): Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably. http://tfl.nu/akzi
  Replies (6) Good night (2345) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.

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  (413): She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker. (1-413): That's effing brilliant. We should start a business. http://tfl.nu/l4ou
  Replies (7) Good night (1929) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her

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  (206): Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her http://tfl.nu/6f57
  Replies (4) Good night (2433) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.

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  (910): I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything. http://tfl.nu/veiz
  Replies (9) Good night (1763) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...

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  (406): Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms... http://tfl.nu/f4gr
  Replies (5) Good night (1207) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air

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  (516): My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air http://tfl.nu/h73p
  Replies (4) Good night (1010) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...

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  (204): Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"... http://tfl.nu/0fub
  Replies (5) Good night (1097) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."

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  (920): Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth." http://tfl.nu/xs9s
  Replies (1) Good night (629) Bad night (278)

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