Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him

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(617): OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him http://tfl.nu/b4mt

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(509): View more from Washington

ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!

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(509): ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car! http://tfl.nu/lfwp

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(240): View more from Maryland

EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

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(240): EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff. http://tfl.nu/5eqp

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(913): View more from Kansas

ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?

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(913): ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf? http://tfl.nu/d12x

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles

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(612): I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles http://tfl.nu/ysmu

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)

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(803): I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack) http://tfl.nu/29kp

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(408): View more from California

I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.

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(408): I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level. http://tfl.nu/k6hr

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.

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(203): i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool. http://tfl.nu/2evd

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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(314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by

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(843): View more from South Carolina

She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.

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(843): She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that. http://tfl.nu/vu87

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(409): View more from Texas

just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome

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(409): just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome http://tfl.nu/tb2u

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(314): View more from Missouri

For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

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(314): For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos. http://tfl.nu/t7k7

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(334): View more from Alabama

Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.

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(334): Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its. http://tfl.nu/ucnl

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.

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(337): I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet. http://tfl.nu/ug81

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(305): View more from Florida

Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.

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(305): Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978. http://tfl.nu/6hzj

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