party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.