Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
