im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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