So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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