i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they need to just BURY HIM!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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