your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
