Pants 0. Shit 1.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
