beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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