So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
