I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
