how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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