i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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