Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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