so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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