i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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