pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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