everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
