We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
