You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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