Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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