did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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