just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
smell my finger.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
