rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
