im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
did you just send me my own nude
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
