Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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