i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
