My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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