I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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