You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i think i just lost a toe
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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