Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
