I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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