Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
