I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
