i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
