did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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