like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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