Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
