Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
