If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
