The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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