Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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