whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
