u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
