I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
