Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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