It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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