You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
