apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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