Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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