I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
