I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
