I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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