My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
