My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
handjob tips. give me some.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
