hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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