Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
