Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
