Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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