boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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