Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
