and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
