No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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