O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
