so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
