I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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