Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
