pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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